More about my divorce xD I promise I will shut up soon lol

So here I am on a Monday morning, listening to my techno, and all the work is updated and now I'm cleaning my Facebook profiles and my poetry page, which you can find here:

https://www.facebook.com/MariaConcepcionPomar/

(I rarely use it anymore lol but it's super interesting to see my progression in time, throghout the years, from being completely and blindly in love and devoted to Dan like a faithful satellite to feeling absolutely devastated, dead, in panic, and isolated).

And I am seeing many, many things from my poor past that I am not liking not even one tiny bit, and one of these things is one of the poems I wrote in particular that is about the financial coercion I was undergoing. And that's why I'm going to write about this stuff again, I promise I will shut up soon about it all and return to my usual cheerful self in no time lol, but sharing cause I think it's super important and many less people know about it: abuse can be physical, verbal, sexual of course, coercive, and, inside the latter, financial. And I experienced a lot of financial coercion with my ex.

When I finally gave up my wishful thinking to try and melt my ex's heart even just a little with my affection, things between my ex and I became a mere façade, and it stayed like this for years. We remained together just for one reason, or, at least, it was like that for me: money.

Dan is a person obsessed with money. His total lack of passion towards me is only equivalent to his utter and unconditional fixation with money. Money he sees, money he wants to grasp, keep and manage. And it's fun cause he didn't study to get a good job and get a position or become wealthy, he didn't have goals nor aspirations, didn't do the job nor make any effort, but hey why should he? I had studied, I had done the job and I earned money, so why not simply coerce me with that? Good and easy money at the reach of a hand!

During the last time I allowed my ex scream to me, which he did for three fuckn days straight, he had been jobless and not actively seeking a job for more than six months, and as I was trying to push him to do something about it, very seriously scared at this point, casue I also have to take care of my 83 year old mum without any financial assistance, and he, of course, instead of being reasonable and civilised screamed much louder, and sought any possible argument he could fathom to make me look like the bad one, which was nothing new, so that he could simply go back to his naps and his Netflix.

And he told me that since our marriage began he had contributed to house money and food, for eleven years of marriage, around the sum of 50.000 euros. And he told me I owed him this money, that I owed him 50.000 fuckn euros, for he said I was working now, he wasn't, so it was my turn to be in charge, apart from doing all the chores, studying, and working while he did literally, literally nothing.

And I told him we are getting divorced, and this time it's for fuckin real. And I even checked the possibility to call a lawyer so that we signed a paper in which it was stated that I, his wife, owed no money to him, my husband, for the money he had invested in housing and food during a marriage.

And was he for real? Or was he not for real, just saying that out of a bad temper moment, as he said later? Well, you know what?

I DON'T CARE. 

No one should be coerced like this, out of a bad temper or not, whether it is a real threat or not. No one, period. 

I even considered the idea to sign a legal paper against my fuckn husband to prove I was not indebted to him just for existing. No one should ever go through such crazy.

And you don't know, and you will never know, as we say in Spanish, half of the mass, this is just the tiny tip of the iceberg.

So today I consider it important to educate you a bit more about what financial abuse is, and I have found these few resources you might find interesting, namely:

https://nnedv.org/content/about-financial-abuse/#:~:text=Financial%20abuse%20is%20a%20common,accessibility%20to%20the%20family%20finances.

https://nnedv.org/resources-library/hoja-informativa-sobre-el-maltrato-financiero/

https://myhiddenscars.com/breaking-free-recognizing-and-overcoming-narcissist-financial-abuse/

https://lamenteesmaravillosa.com/obsesion-narcisistas-por-dinero/

I feel the latter video super relatable, cause lol, all the clothes my ex has now I bought them for him. Literally I dressed him up from head to toe with my money. And in 11 years he never, ever gave a single present to me. Never, not even a t-shirt. And yet he always complained very heatedly if I dared to invest a bit of my own money on myself.

So well, if you want to know more about this topic, you know where to start researching. If you pardon me, I'll stop looking for more resources now, I think those are enough, cause it's really triggering and I'm starting to feel disgusted.

But of course now literature, which is always first: This is the poem I wrote back in 2018:

A BARRICADE OF MONEY

I’m building a barricade of money,

Slowly, so slowly, day after day,

That covers completely my body of clay.

I’m building a barricade of money,

Papier-mâché of bank tickets stuck with sticky honey,

Topped with golden coins that enthrall your gaze away.

You’ll touch the tip of my fingers and they’ll become minted copper,

You’ll reach out for my hand and it’ll become cash like fodder.

You’ll try to grasp my face and I’ll melt into golden cobbles.

 

Money for breakfast, money for lunch,

Money for supper and as a mid-morning brunch.

A plate full of money is the best snack to munch.

 

Money insomnia, money with us in bed,

Money to show our elders what a fine life we get,

Money that is so methodically counted and saved.

 

I’m building a barricade of money,

Slowly, so slowly, night after night,

While I sense how my soul once so bright

Now goes away to God knows where in a flight.

I really like this poem, and I think I will turn it into a videopoem, cause I love how I protected myself through money already back then. Dan at that point couldn't reach me anymore, I was just money to him and yeah, OK, he could have my money, no biggie, what is money after all lol. But he would never, never again reach my heart, my affection, or the warmth of my soul, which was my true worth, and still is, and which I keep and share now with the people that are truly willing to give me some love, friendship, and affection.

Soon I'll post my videopoem here. In the meantime, thank you for being here and reading my people. I hope I am educating you a bit on these very important topics. My next post will be a short story that is very crazy and you will love it you'll see 😎 Please know that you're seen, taken into account, and deeply loved.


María Concepción Pomar Rosselló.